God loves Milwuakee's Best

Guess where I went today? Marc's. Yeah, it's like my hangout too now. Me and all my retired buddies who purposely push my cart as they pass by like they are pissed that I'm there. Sorry, dude. Sorry I'm 50 years younger than you and I'm at Marc's during the day. I know it's your turf. I may be younger, but don't worry....I drink like a fish so you will probably live longer than I will.

Let's hope to God that last part isn't true. I mean....the people at Marc's, they're oooolld.

I must be really concerned because I just opened a beer. But this isn't just any beer. It's a 16 oz. Beast Light. I know...gross! It makes high life taste like heineken. Ugh. It's worse than I remember. But I felt so cool buying it because it's in a six-pack plastic ring thingy. The kind that strangles baby ducks in the lake....yeah, you know the kind. I didn't know they still made them. See all the things you learn when you are unemployed? You can indirectly strangle a baby duck for only $3.99! Anyway, it made me feel even cooler and more white trash because I could let it dangle from a few of my fingers like I just don't care about the world. Yeah.

And today I did something that made me feel terribly old and broke. I cut out and organized COUPONS. Ugh! I cut out coupons, and even USED two of them today!!! I felt like Kevin in Home Alone when he goes to the grocery store. yes, I referenced Home Alone. And yes, I still remember the Culkin kid's name in the movie. ANYWAY, I said, "oh, I have coupons" and handed them over, saving a whole $1.25. Then I had to write a check, because Marc's is where time went to die. They are stuck in the ice age. Oh wait, they take Discover. who the FUCK has a discover card?

Anyway, enough about Marc's. jeez.

So I was looking at all these weird options on the blogger layout page......and did you know that you can add a little box on your blog with Stephen King gossip? Yeah, all the latest Stephen King gossip. what the FUCK. is there THAT much stephen king gossip? who on earth would be all about what he is up to? I mean, seriously. I understand the Bible quote thing, the Einstein quote of the day thing, even the random flashing hot girl picture thing.....but Stephen King gossip? fucking seriously.

I almost put a "support the troops" sticker on my blog, because somehow I think I'm being funny....but in reality it's not funny, because people would either think I'm serious, or think I'm being an asshole. Don't get me wrong. I totally LOVE the troops. I would totally hug all of them, and maybe even make out with the hot ones. I'm just not all about slapping stickers on my car with the american flag and yellow ribbons and pro-life shit. If you do....that's great. I'm NOT making fun of you. I mean, I don't think I am, am I? We're all friends. I mean, seriously. I'm drinking MILWUAKEE'S BEST. Plus I'm part hillbilly. So....we're cool. Right?

Wow. I'm ripping on old people, talking about strangling baby ducks and making fun of people that show support for the troops in sticker form. I bet I lost a lot of friends today.

Does this make up for it?


See, God loves baby ducks....and so do I! And I love Jesus! And aMURica! and chics with big boobs who take pictures of themselves!