Brats, Beer and Bitches

I am wondering why Hillshire Farms put High Life in their beer brats. I am also wondering why I really want one. I guess they probably save money going with High Life and not Heineken or something. Plus, with all the trendy punk kids, the unemployed, the broke college kids, and the broke old dudes..high life has quite a following these days. So that's probably why they use it in their brats. But why do I want one? Because it's the champagne of meat, that's why.

Oh my GOD. the commercial is on right now. WEIRD. I think that means i need to go buy some Hillshire Farm High Life Brats.

Another commercial that just came on was for Edible Arrangements. The people on those commercials are so fake. They have one right now that suggests you buy the father of your children an edible arrangement for father's day. They show the dad sitting in a chair with his kids around him and his wife next to him, and they are all staring at the bouquet of fruit they just gave him as his father's day gift. The look on the guy's face and his mannerisms are so funny...like he doesn't really know what to say. Probably because he DOESN'T. Seriously? You know what he wants to say? "WHAT THE FUCK. YOU GOT ME FUCKING FRUIT FLOWERS???" What dude wants fruit as a gift?? I would love to see the dude just scream that at them, knock the "flowers" off the table, open a beer and say, "fuck you guys. I'm going golfing". The kids would be crying, "mommy, why is daddy so mad?"...to which she should say, "because your mommy's a dumb bitch".

OH MY GOD. That's a little harsh. But it so feels like maybe it could be a skit on Mr. Show or the Upright Citizens Brigade. Such good shows. How are shows like that and Arrested Development so short-lived while Two and a Half Men lasts eighty-five seasons?? I will never ever understand it.

Anyway, I don't know why I get mad at commercials. I get really upset sometimes. I literally hurl insults, out loud, at the tv. And the more I see them, the more upset I get. I need to just get over it!

Maybe the reason I'm being so violent is because I'm going through withdrawal. I think I already mentioned that I quit my three big addictions for a few days. I have not had any alcohol since saturday night, and I haven't had any cigarettes or caffeine since monday afternoon. It's THURSDAY! For those of you who can't add...that is THREE DAYS without anything, and FIVE DAYS without alcohol. UGH. I'm going nuts. I am seeing babies crawling on the ceiling with spinning heads. Okay, maybe it's not that bad. I know I can wait until tomorrow to drink. I just have to try not to open a beer when I wake up. I guess I could start with some coffee....ooooh, with whiskey :)

I am drinking about 150-170 ounces of water a day though. How insane is that? The other night I got up to pee like at least four times. It's soo annoying. But it's good every once in a while to rid yourself of toxins....so that you can make room for more. heh.

You think i would have more energy without all the hangovers. But I really don't; I have less. I have kind of been a hermit this week. I did leave the house yesterday to go to the West Side Market. It was great. It was the first time I went by myself, so it was a little overwhelming. I felt like a lost little kid in a crowded ass candy store. I probably walked the floor inside at least four times before I started making decisions. I brought twenty-one dollars with me, and spent twenty-one dollars. I bought a few loaves of bread, some shrimp pad thai for lunch, a couple cannolis (i had to! I can't pass up a cannoli) and a few green and red peppers. I also bought a pound of peaches, some raspberries and blueberries so that I can make a peach-berry cobbler. mmm. It's like the cheapest cobbler ever, because the peaches were a buck-fifty, and the berries were a dollar each. That's 3.50 for two cobblers. Nice.

Anyway, I always leave the West Side Market feeling really great. I walked in and felt like I was going to be trampled and started to feel like I would have an anxiety attack with all the decisions to make....but when I left with my twenty-one dollars worth of purchases, the sun was shining and I couldn't wait to get home and make some food. I defrosted the sauce I've had in my freezer since Italian Sunday, and my buddy came over and we made yummy dinner. It involved italian sausage sandwiches with peppers and onions, and ravioli and delicious bread. And cannolis for dessert, of course.

The only thing missing was wine. Sigh. Soon enough.