Rub some Tussin on it

So I was around a cat yesterday and now I am paying for it. My airways are all messed up and I'm having problems breathing.

fun city!

you might say, "You know what helps asthma, Krissy? NOT SMOKING". Yeah, I know. Since my lenten break I have severely cut down....but it's still not exactly quitting. I am getting there though....I think.

Anyway....being that I am uninsured, (COBRA can suck me), I am trying to avoid a trip to the ER for a breathing treatment. I started thinking about how once I had heard that drinking hot coffee would help. Not sure if it's the caffeine or the heat that is supposed to help, but I figured it's worth a shot. Actually, I drink a pot a day anyway....so I just decided to go about my normal routine.

As I sat here drinking my coffee, trying to relax, I decided that maybe there are other home remedies for an asthma attack. It was worth a google search anyway.

After sifting through a shitload of methods, weird ass herb remedies and comments from users, this is what I have found.

-Stick your head in the freezer
-DON'T stick your head in the freezer
-take a steam shower
-smell honey
-eat honey
-drink hot coffee
-go to the health food store and buy supplements of things you have never heard of in your life...doesn't matter what they are, just grab a couple. Mullien and wild cherry tree bark? PERFECT.
-buy a chihuahua and sleep next to it (I wish i was kidding)
-eat some peppermints
-stick a bulb syringe of baking powder, water and some other shit up your nose
-mix the grossest things together and drink it. Example: cloves of garlic, cinnamon, thyme, honey, olive oil, radishes, fenugreek seeds, the root of a sycamore tree and the kidney of the firstborn son of an ox without defect.
-take grind kheel of borax (WHAT THE F#$K?)
-drink alcohol, at least 4 or 5 shots of hard liquor
-do NOT drink alcohol at all
-smoke marijuana
-go outside
-DO NOT go outside
-drink milk
-WHATEVER YOU DO DO NOT DRINK MILK

So I decided to pick the ones I like best. Needless to say, I am drinking coffee, smoking weed, eating a peppermint with some honey (which I am about to chase down with my third shot of whiskey) as I wait for my shower to fill up with steam.

Now if only I could find a chihuahua...