She must be obsessed.

-“A good way to keep healthy is too eat more Chinese food”. Pretty sad when even your fortune cookies are trying to sell you something.

-I am very upset with the jerks that keep stealing the Browns stickers from my car. First it was the elf window cling, now it’s my Browns bumper sticker. I know I work in the ghetto, but come ON. You are stealing my bumper sticker? Really? My Cleveland browns bumper sticker?? What is the point of that? I mean…seriously. Does it get any more worthless? Wait, scratch that. I’m thinking that a certain Steelers jersey with a number 7 on it isn’t looking like it’s worth much these days either.

-Ben Roethlisberger apparently can’t stop hanging out with young college girls. And by “hanging out” I mean “forcefully putting his penis in their vaginas when they are shitface drunk”.

-I walked into Ross’s deli the other day to buy a mini-keg of Two Hearted. I am obviously moving up in the world. First it was cans to bottles when I got out of college. Now I’m up to mini-kegs. Soon enough I will have a kegerator and I will be buying kegs in bulk. I guess it would make sense if I were throwing some insane parties or something. But yeah…no.

-My body is trying to keep me out of work. Seriously, I walked into work the other day and the ball of my foot started hurting like crazy and I had to limp around the office. It’s been two days and it still hasn’t gone away and I’m hobbling around like a moron. The weird thing is, I did nothing to make it happen. It just happened. I think I’m allergic to my job.

-If I could eat homemade pasta from the West Side Market every day, I think I would. The fact that it’s 6 bucks a pound helps to keep that from happening, thank God. I don’t think pasta every day is going to help me lose weight.

-Lasagna is my favorite food. And my mom is making it for Easter dinner. It’s nice to be Italian. We don’t always have to eat ham on Easter and there is always pasta around. Hence the fatness thing I have going on.

-Marathons. Nikki and I ran one. Yes, I know….it has to be 26 miles or whatever to be an actual “marathon”. But it makes us feel cool saying it so LAY OFF! It was only 2-miles, but we ran the whole time and I beat her by two-tenths of a second. Even with the stiff arm she threw me at the finish line. I’m like mother fuckin’ Jackie Joyner Krissy.

-I like to look at the bullet hole in my big office window. It brings me back to my roots….the streets of North Olmsted were very, very tough. Great Northern Mall? Shiiiit. You would be lucky to get out of there without someone saying hello to you and asking how your mother is doing these days. I know….life was hard.

-Ben Curtis is my new favorite golfer (although I still love that big ol’ slut Tiger). He grew up in Ohio, went to Kent State, and loves the Cleveland Browns. He’s like me, only he has a penis and he’s older and he’s good at golf. Yeah, just like me. I don’t know why it makes me giddy when someone on tv or on the radio says, “I am a Cleveland Browns fan”…but it so does. I was listening to Mike and Mike this morning and Ben Curtis said that and I literally said “yay!”, took my hands off the steering wheel and started clapping. I gave that old lady crossing the street quite a scare when I swerved towards her….but I’m sure she would understand. There are famous people that like the Browns? Really?? You don’t really hear that too often. Because, you know, they kind of suck. Unless of course its from Drew Carey, and I think everyone in the universe knows how much he loves Cleveland. I mean, I don’t even think I like Cleveland THAT much….and I have it tattooed on my ass.

-I don’t have any tattoos. Although I’m thinking about getting a very elaborate city scene with a Jesus Godzilla type thing on my back, and He’s trampling on all the rapists and murderers (aka Ben Roethlisberger and Ray Lewis) with his ginormous sandals. It will be like my interpretation of Revelations, in skin art form.

-I just put a pair of flip flops on! They looked up at me like...."are you sure??". And you know what? I'm not sure. Are you ever sure about the weather in Cleveland? The answer is no. Never. If someone told me it was going to snow in August, I would believe them. But right now....I'm loving the fact that it's hot out in March. Time for some porch beers :)